The past 5 years have been a journey of emotional roller coasters, one after the other. It has been obstacles and challenges, and many times I have just wanted to run away and start again in a place where I knew no one and no one knew me, to be able to escape my own reality and begin a new life.
When we are faced with sudden changes, or unexpected “surprises”, it is the most natural thing for us to feel a range of emotions. As human beings, it’s what we are conditioned to and what we use to express ourselves. For me, I have been ruled by my emotions my whole life, as have most of us I’m sure.
It has taken me a really long time to learn to be the ruler of my emotions instead, and learn to accept them, learn from them, and let them go.
I have always cared about what others thought about me, I felt like I needed to fit in and needed others approval of my choices. If someone did not like me, I needed to make them like me, and for that reason I often made sacrifices to please others, leaving myself behind.
It has only been in more recent times that I decided that enough is enough. I became emotionally, mentally and physically drained by giving my energy to others, depleting myself and my needs at what cost? I began to ask the question, “who gives a damn what other people think of my life?”. The answer to that question is, I don’t.
I promised myself that no matter what happens, I would rather spend the rest of my life alone, doing what makes me happy, than live a life with others doing what makes them happy.
One of the most powerful lessons I have learnt, is no matter what obstacle life throws at you, you must step back and try and see it for what it is.
I understand it is much easier said than done, and it is something that comes with practice, time, and patience.
Here is what has helped me.
The most important thing is to always accept that whatever the situation you are in, is what it is. Some are in our control, some are not. Can you do something about it, or can you not?
Sometimes life throws us challenges that we simply just cannot control. In this case, I always believe that the best and healthiest thing we can do is find the positive in the situation. I understand that sometimes this task seems impossible, but what is the purpose and sense in looking at it any other way? If it can not be changed, how will blame, hate or self pity help us move forward?
It won’t, not in the long run.
So why not reflect and find the positive? Why not reflect and find gratitude? Each experience we have is there to shape and strengthen us, no matter which way we look at it.
I firmly believe that we attract what we are, not what we want. I believe in the power of the mind and in the law of attraction.
So often I speak to people who have, or are going through hardships in their life, and often I find they resort to blame. Whether that blame is on another person or on themselves, it is equally as unhealthy.
No one has the power to make us feel something other than ourselves. When people question us or place judgement on us, it is a reflection of their own insecurities and struggles. It is a mixture of their unhealthy thought processes being projected onto another, and unfortunately when we are a target of such behaviour it can feel pretty distressing. The best thing I can say to this is, the feelings we associate with those words and actions, do not belong to us, but to the person it came from. We have the power to build our own shield and protect ourselves from other peoples battles.
During this journey I have lost some good friends, or simply outgrew them. I now realize that what once served me, has no place in my life as I know it. It does not mean that I hold any anger or resentment towards them, I just chose to take away the good times, the lessons, good and bad, and move forward. I have learnt to listen to my intuition and it has never led me astray. I have learnt to not give too much of myself to another without knowing their true intentions, and I have learnt that no relationship is going to last or have a positive influence if it is one sided.
The most recent, and quite possibly the most raw lesson for me was to let go of what no longer serves its purpose in my life, no matter how much I want it to.
We so often cling to things in life because it is comfortable, convenient, or simply because it is all we know, but deep down we can feel it is an internal battle causing stress, anxiety and clouded judgement.
Letting these things go can be extremely difficult.
To this I say step back and analyze the emotions associated with the situation. Become critical and put yourself outside the box for a minute. It will make all the sense in the world. The trick is to find the inner power to make the decision that will best serve our life and purpose.
Each day is a new one to make a fresh start and start living for ourselves. Each day can also be our last.
So live for you, love your life, love you and practice gratitude each and everyday!